IASHS SAR: Day 3-4

Day 3 of the SAR, we concentrated on homosexuality, with a very brief foray into bisexuality. Day 4 was a discussion of the physical body, including some sensate focus-type exercises.

I really loved the panel of lesbians, although the panel of gay men was interesting for their personal stories. The lesbian panelists were engaging and witty, and talked a lot more about their multiple interests and facets of their identity. All panels got a lot of questions, and we also watched some videos, most of which were pretty old school.

I got into an interesting conversation with my friend Robert about how SF is steeped in queer culture so much that queer history and ideals and beliefs are part of SF history and ideals and beliefs; they’re unseparatable concepts. Everyone here grows up surrounded by knowledge about the AIDS crisis and Harvey Milk that people in other places have to seek out. It’s unique, and makes me jealous, honestly. I wish I had grown up in that atmosphere, only without having to live in the Bay Area.

We also watched the Fuckarama, a multiscreen pornography experience that can only be described as headache-inducing. It’s designed to desensitize viewers to sexual images, although the vast majority of images shown were a) pretty tame and b) full of cocks. There was an awful lot of penis in these clips, and a lot of focus on ejaculation as the terminus of sexual experience. Interesting stuff, despite all the blinking lights.

Day 4 (today) was mostly about the physical body: bodywork, touch, STDs. We discussed barrier methods, had a presentation about sexological bodywork, and engaged in some group touch exercises. At first, I felt unsure about whether or not I wanted to be touched by anyone. While everyone is nice, I’m not super comfortable with being touched intimately (by which I mean “as though the person is intimate with me”, and not specifically sexually — this includes cuddling, hand holding, etc) by people I don’t know well, unless we just have that kind of relationship. My bestie Marcus and I startled cuddling each other almost the first day we met: it just felt OK. But strangers? Nope. Especially when the SAR is likely the only thing we really have in common.

The touching exercises felt pretty safe though, and I was fine to do them. Not particularly challenging, in that they weren’t pushing my buttons or anything. So far the only things that push my buttons are the occasional casual references to unfortunate mindsets…or this absolutely dreadful image, which is hanging with a set of “vintage erotic art” in the front IASHS hallway:

I find it difficult to believe the organization really cares about making attendees feel completely safe if they openly display such an offensive piece of art. It’s not the sexual aspect of it that’s offensive: it’s the outright racism. Yikes.

IASHS SAR: Day 2

We’d been told on day 1 that we would be marching in the Pride Parade with a contingent called Straights for Gay rights; this organization was begun by one of the Institute’s original members, Janice Epps, and has been marching in the Parade since 1977. Things have changed a lot since 1977 (understatement), when it was revolutionary to “come out” as a straight person supportive of gay rights. These days, while there is obviously still a lot of homophobia, someone in the SAR pointed out: “Everyone who was at the Parade and straight could have been called straights for gay rights.”

From the beginning, I was quite uncomfortable with this being the group we were designated to march with. In the first place, it discounted the voices of SAR participants who were not straight. By marching under a banner that labelled all of us as straight, it effectively negated their personal identity. In the second place, I feel like there are enough spaces where straight people, as the dominant culture, can have their voices heard. A Parade for queers by queers, a place to celebrate queerness, is one place where, honestly, I feel like straight people (and I am one) should butt out. I mean, go if you want to be supportive, but marching in the parade under a banner that basically says “Hey, pay attention, we support you!” felt…disturbingly like we were asking for cookies.

I marched anyway, though, and met up with Sky and some other friends to eat vegan salad and prowl the Civic Centre. Our SAR group met back up at IASHS at 4 to process our feelings around marching in the Parade.

I started by bringing up how difficult I find the increasing corporatization of Pride. Float after float by banks and Facebook and businesses that have never made any effort to include images of queer people in their advertising…it seems quite obvious to me that these businesses are participating in Pride solely as a marketing technique, to break into the lucrative LGBT market. As more businesses put a rainbow on it, it seems like blatant product placement to encourage and allow them free access to marginalized pockets. The LGBT subgroup, after all, is more than what they buy.

this was not a popular opinion with other SAR attendees, and I had to explain myself many times. I also brought up the Free Bradley Manning protestors I had seen; many SAR attendees did not know who Bradley Manning, the contested ex-Grand Marshal of SF Pride, was, and no explanation was given.

In small groups, we discussed these issues in more depth, and I learned that participation in the Parade with the SFGR contingent was not mandatory for SAR participants, as we’d all thought it was. Our small group leader said she would bring this up to the Institute.

Overall, it was a challenging day, and I felt like there may not be much of an effort to include intersectionality in this SAR process.